I have been feeling a bit unsociable lately. But that's hardly surprising, - my ugly and distorted look (aka coldsores, about which I wrote yesterday) sapped all the residual confidence in me. But willy nilly, I had to go out and face the big world. My 3-year old had to be taken to the nursery. And Shopping had to be made.
Having smeared my lips with zovirax and donning a pair of sunglasses (as if they could help), I set off.
Our neighbourhood is quiet (apart from the one off shooting, siege or sexual assault), so I did pretty all right all the way to the bus stop. There I had to face the Bus Driver.He smiled. He just smiled.Nothing but smiled. His jaw firmly attached to the hinges, no sign of dropping uncontrollably on the steering wheel, 'accidently' honking a horn, stopping the traffic and announcing through a megaphone: I have a monster on board. 'Gosh, they must be trained to keep their nerve, those public transport drivers'. -I thought. I and my child took our seats, and I started to get relaxed. With my eyes busy counting the trees in the street, I managed to avoid eye contact with everyone on the bus. I was doing all right for 5 minutes. And it wasn't until I had to move a bit my neck (it was getting stiff) and eyes with it, that I realized the bus was empty. Big relief/ As they say, the things that we worry most about often never happen, ...but- very much my xperience- sometimes, they do
The moment I dropped my boy at the nursery and went shopping I started getting the LOOKS, from almost every passer by. And the looks spoke all sorts of things/.For instance
1. the old lady on the bench look said: what a nice mummy, pity the disease
2. the prim, middle aged and middle class woman screamed with her eyes: Gee, don't you dare to get close, I am sure that nasty thing is catching
3. some fat office girls waddling along to Pret a Manger looked at me with the expression: ok we may be fat, but at least we look human and can have a laugh
4. A white down and out, beer holding, rug wearing guy did not look, he coughed and coughed again, which meant: she's got Aids!
5.dark skinned man with a cigarette looked and muttered (I could have sworn I heard!)- somebody had one blow job too many, slut.

How did all that make me feel? Of course oppressed, harrassed and depressed. At least I know that in a few days time I will be better: coldsore free. And still young, white, slim, sane and sober.Unlike the others..above mentioned. Oppressors.